I'll pray for you.

I haven't slept for days and maybe I'm too tired to think straight and that's why I'm thinking of you. Memories started to pour like flood and it occured to me that you're even more screwed up now than you were back then... And boy, were you screwed up back then...!
I know (or at least I hope) that you're too lucky to die, but the thought crossed my mind and it scared me. Why? Why did I fear losing you? I don't love you anymore and you never loved me at all. But you never loved yourself either, and that is not only scary, but also sad.

It freaks me out to finally see why you're the closest thing I had to a soulmate. It's because you're self-destructive and self-absorved, just like me. Except that you're way more self-destructive than I am. You make all my anger seem like a stupid and fake cry for attention, compared to yours. I've never seen anyone like you before, and it scares me. I'm so healthy compared to you, and while I'm glad I finally got rid of you, my stupid protective side can't help but fear you won't make it.

So tonight, I'll pray for you. For good (and bad) old times sake.